I’m Katy, a 28-year-old first time mom with my 24-year-old boyfriend’s baby. Raul and I are two military brats whose stories span across the US and to different countries who quickly felt a sense of home in one another. Before we met, I finished my Master’s in Creative Writing at Emerson College in Boston. I moved back to Texas, the state I most call home, for comfort after my graduate thesis which was a fictionalized, but far-too fresh trauma narrative, and for a relationship that quickly messed me up so much more mentally that it would be a year before I would truly start to see some semblance of who I was before, except when loving Raul. We were fast to start a life together, and at about 3-4 months into dating, just as fast to make an actual baby together. But once we got things going, our worlds seemed to blend together like watercolor.

When it comes to our baby, I tried my best to personally make as much as I could for her. I spent my pregnancy treating wood with edible beeswax, putting together hot air balloons for Raul to hang from the nursery ceiling, and buying book after book. I read about motherhood and birth every day, which as a mother has been replaced with reading with my baby every day. I planned so many snacks and freezer meals for nursing. I pinned crafts for holidays, ideas for photos, and recipes for homemade baby food. I tried my best to prepare for strong gendering from family, and actually asked that people not gift us pink things, because what with hand-me-downs, we already had tons. I stood my ground when it came to revealing that we were having a girl to most people until Scarlett was born. I’m a baby-wearing, over-producing pump-only mama, who believes you should do what you feel is right for you and your baby, and that mom-shamers are amongst the worst people in the world.

My boyfriend and I were still in the early stages of our relationship when I got pregnant. We were living with his family. And I was still coming out of one of the worst bouts of depression and suicidal ideation I have ever experienced. I got pregnant with surprising ease, after years on medication for PTSD and mood. But that was about the only thing in my pregnancy that came easy. I spent 8 months with hyperemesis gravidarum, in other words, crazy severe morning sickness throughout your entire pregnancy. All of this led to an emotionally traumatic c-section, only to yield the most quiet, calm, and patient baby with the sweetest disposition. Where I have struggled in almost every other way, Scarlett has been what I constantly describe as an “easy baby.” Through all of the articles and pinning, the greatest resource for me has been other moms sharing their experiences and struggles, and the ability to voice my own.

We hope very much that as our voices come out on So It Grows, you too will feel this is a safe space where you can share and ask and advise each other on motherhood.